


what a life

by finnhoe



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: A lot of kissing, Bearded Steve Rogers, Brooklyn Boys, First Kiss, First argument, M/M, Natasha Is a Good Bro, Protective Bucky Barnes, Small snapshots of their relationship, Steve Rogers Has Issues, Steve has anxiety, Wedding Fluff, bucky likes to climb steve like a tree, imma keep it real with u this is all fluff, sam and peggy are too, specifically anxiety, spring wedding, stucky au, tiny teaspoon of angst that lasts like three seconds, winter fluff, you know how it be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-11 08:21:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15311376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finnhoe/pseuds/finnhoe
Summary: Five snapshots into five different kisses and what they all meant. Cue a happy ending with ugly wedding crying and flowers in Bucky's hair.





	what a life

I.

The first time was outside his apartment. Their bodies were submerged in the warm summer air, faces alight by the porch light that had seen better days.

All they could feel was energy. The charged air that flowed through, in between them. The air that had so many unanswered questions, so many thoughts, fears, hopes.

It was the beginning, and it was all so new. Though, both of them felt it was something different this time. Maybe it was the way they bantered easily, neither ever crossing a line. Maybe it was the way they talked immediately like they’d known the other in a different life. Maybe it was the way they made the other feel safe, in their own ways.

Or, maybe it was just because he was Steve and he was Bucky and it just, in the simplest sense, _worked_.

They were laughing about something, Bucky remembers. Their hands were intertwined, and there was a lightness between them. Bucky recalls going to his door and turning around, expecting… well, something. He didn’t know what he really expected.

Steve did. He always knows.

Steve’s hand was on his hip, subconsciously rubbing circles into the bone. He felt delirious at the contact and thought of how he was going to handle any more. They had quieted down, both equally a mixture of nerves and something Bucky couldn’t put his finger on at the time.

It wasn’t lust, it wasn’t love. It was desire, he soon after realized.

Blue, blue, blue eyes dragged up his face, taking in every detail. The hand on his hip resettled onto his waist, gripping the curve gently.

A hitch in the breath, then, “You’re so fucking beautiful.”

And then Steve kissed him.

It was a wondrous thing, every hair on Bucky’s body standing on end. Their lips were opened, resting on the others for a beat. Steve’s lips were softer than Bucky’s favorite blanket. He thought that maybe Steve was his new favorite blanket. Warm. Comforting. _Soft_.

They closed their lips in harmony, capturing the other in a vice. It was slow and tender. It was one of the most intimate things Bucky had felt.

Bucky was aware of his hand moving on its own accord to rest over Steve’s sharp jaw, cradling the bone. It felt right, like the sun that accompanies a beach. His other hand brushed over the wiry beard and the auburn hairs, before resting at the back of Steve’s neck, gently pulling at the short dark blonde strands.

Steve pulled back slowly, eyes opening to search his lover’s. The blue held nothing but tenderness and contentment. Steve reached out to thread a hand through the dark brown locks that came to a soft end at Bucky’s jaw, framing his clean shaven face.

Bucky leaned up to press kisses that were so, so soft to Steve’s mouth.

A smile was felt on Bucky’s lips, then a light kiss to his neck.

“We should do that more often,” Bucky whispered, afraid to shatter the gentleness of the moment.

Bucky had a sneaking suspicion that nothing he ever could do would shatter the gentleness of his time with Steve.

 

II.

 

The second time was fervently stolen behind closed doors. Bucky could feel the knob of his bedroom door pressing into his back as he hurriedly slammed the door shut and toed off his boots. It was overwhelming in all the right ways.

Hands were everywhere on his body. Sliding up his sides, then down his back, under his shirt. Steve’s hands moved with an unmistakable purpose, and if it weren’t for the occasional hesitation and hitch in his breath, Bucky would think he planned this.

Warmth flooded his body when Steve’s hands found home under his thighs and hoisted him up against the wall. Instinctively, his legs wrapped around the strong waist and the sinful tight white henley t-shirt.

A breathless laugh from Bucky was caught in Steve’s mouth, whose smile caused them to clash teeth. A moment of tenderness was felt in the air as they pulled back, breathing harshly and searching each other’s eyes.

Bucky leaned down and kissed his lover on the forehead, sending butterflies to occupy Steve’s stomach. Bucky kissed his nose, next, causing Steve to wrinkle it playfully.

“Tickles,” Steve opened his eyes and whispered.

A slow smile took residence on Bucky’s sharp cheekbones, mischief sparkling in his eyes. He kissed Steve’s face all over, his nose, chin, cheeks, then back to the nose again. He felt almost childish again in the effervescence of it. He missed that feeling.

This drew a giggle from Steve, which only spurred Bucky on in the onslaught of kisses. Steve backed them off the wall, stumbling ever so slightly.

“You’re going to make me drop you,” Steve insisted, unable to keep the mirth out of his voice.

Bucky pulled back, with laughter in his eyes and he replied, “You wouldn’t,” with a determination that said he meant it.

Steve’s features turned into that of devotion, and Bucky thought he would never again see a sight as beautiful as Steve.

Steve thought that even the thought of dropping Bucky might shatter the very heavens.

“No, I wouldn’t,” Steve murmured, feeling the crystal in the air with the lovesick way they gazed at each other.

Bucky’s red lips smirked in mischief when he forced himself to break the serene silence and purred into Steve’s ear, “Shouldn’t we be getting back to something?” and rolled their hips together.

He smiled when he was rewarded a deep moan.

 

III.

 

The third time was of apologies under the light of their kitchen, exposed to the bugs outside the open window. Their first real argument.

Bucky felt heat pulsing through him, full of anger and unfamiliar feelings that have never been directed at Steve.

There was a fire in the ice of his blue eyes, one that Steve could see from across the kitchen.

“I’m not a fucking doll. I’m a grown man, Steve. If I want to go to the gas station at night, I’ll fucking go,” Bucky gritted out, hand clenching the countertop.

Steve’s jaw clenched, the harsh lines of his face looking sharper under the artificial light and his five o’clock shadow, as he only shaved a few days ago.

“I know that. But, bad things happen at night at gas stations. All I’m asking is that you let me go with you,” Steve’s tone was desperate, desperate for Bucky to understand why he was asking this.

Bucky’s hands flew to his hair in frustration, further loosening the bun at the bottom of his head. He let out a manic laugh that had Steve bracing for impact.

“Oh my god. This is literally so ridiculous that we’re even having this argument. I went to gas stations alone before you, and I can go to gas stations alone with you, Steven. I’m not a fucking 15 year old girl, I’m a 28 year old man, and you need to respect that,” Bucky snapped.

Steve deflated right then, instantly feeling like a dick. He sat on the kitchen chair, putting his face in his hands. Bucky’s sharp eyes tracked his movements, not expecting this reaction.

“I’m sorry,” Steve mumbled, looking at the floor, “You’re right. I just get so anxious, and that’s nothing to do with you. It’s unfair of me to put that on you.”

Bucky’s eyes softened and he crossed the distance between them. He got down on his knees in front of the chair, rubbings his hands on Steve’s legs.

“Hey, I know. Steve, look at me,” Bucky lifted Steve’s chin gently, forcing him to make eye contact.

Steve’s eyes were red rimmed and watery. Bucky noticed the shadows under his eyes that looked wrong on his sun kissed face. Like a storm on a bright summer’s day.

Bucky furrowed his eyebrows and tugged at Steve’s old grey t-shirt to bring him on the floor. Steve complied with a quiet sniffle.

“Just- come here, baby,” Bucky whispered, pulling Steve against him.

Steve’s hands immediately grappled for contact, one sliding under Bucky’s shirt to grip on to his waist, and the other under Bucky’s arm on his shoulder blade. He squeezed Bucky so tightly that Bucky thought he might explode then and there.

He also never felt so loved and needed than in that moment.

“I can’t lose you,” Steve’s voice trembled and Bucky felt a tear drop on his neck.

“I’m right here, Stevie,” Bucky assured, fisting his hands in Steve’s shirt.

“I’m sorry. I haven’t been doing well lately and I’m taking it out on you,” Steve shook his head minutely against Bucky’s shoulder.

Bucky pulled back carefully. Steve reluctantly let Bucky out of his steel embrace and struggled to look at him.

Bucky was having none of it, and leaned forward to wipe the remaining tears from Steve’s face. He scooted forward on the tile floor as much as he could without all but climbing into Steve’s lap.

“We’re in this together, Steve. You’re having a bad day, you tell me. We’ll figure it out. You have to let me help you,” Bucky whispered, holding on to the sides of Steve’s face and stroking his cheekbone.

Steve nodded, seafoam eyes a mixture of sadness and adoration. Bucky felt a twinge in his gut that told him he loved the man sitting in front of him.

It inspired Bucky to lean forward and gently kiss Steve. Steve kissed back, apologies still lingering on his lips. Bucky felt a warm hand rest on his back. They kissed more, each one softer than the last.

Slowly but surely, the frustration they both had felt was gone with the air that flowed out the open window on the summer night.

“I love you,” Bucky breathed, eyes closed, pressing his forehead to Steve’s.

He heard a quiet hitch of Steve’s breath, and opened his eyes, pulling back.

There was infatuation written on his face when he opened his pink lips with a smile that bordered on astonishment and was rooted in happiness.

“I love you more than you could ever know,” Steve murmured back, thumb now stroking over Bucky’s spine and they both sported matching grins.

“Try me,” Bucky challenged and leaned forward to connect their mouths again, this time knocking Steve over on the ground. He eagerly climbed over Steve’s long body, kissing him more passionately. Steve struggled to get both their sweatpants off, and Bucky’s clear laughter rang in the air.

Nothing but quiet moans, whispered devotions, and crickets chirping were heard for the night.

 

IV.

 

The fourth time was cold with the winter air and open, as they walked hand in hand through the crowds of Brooklyn. They were an inseparable unit, glued by the bonds of love and time.

“Hey look, Steve, some black balls,” Bucky called, pulling Steve by the hand to a stand at the flea market.

Steve affectionately rolled his eyes. Bucky moved to a table and held up two black golf balls that said ‘I Love NYC’ in obnoxious font.

“Well now, you clearly have to buy them,” Steve quipped, folding his jacket-clad arms against his chest, as the New York winter felt colder without Bucky at his side.

“Obviously,” Bucky smiled, going to the person who was manning the tent.

“How much for these balls?” Steve could hear the childish snicker Bucky was struggling to hold back.

Bucky handed the woman some cash and thanked her, then walked back to Steve with a smirk on his face and some balls in a bag.

“Feel better?” Steve laughed, holding out his arms to pull Bucky in.

Bucky came easily and nodded against Steve’s neck, pressing a kiss there, the scruff on Steve’s jaw tickling his nose.

“Yeah, thank God. I was needing to play with some more balls,” Bucky replied, and Steve could feel the childish smirk on Bucky’s face.

Steve playfully scoffed, and Bucky pulled back to place a loud, wet kiss on Steve’s cheek. Steve made a face of disgust and reached forward to ruffle Bucky’s blue beanie.

“Hey!” Bucky frowned and fixed his hat and hair that had now grown to just brushing his shoulders, then swatted Steve on the arm.

“You started it,” Steve shrugged and began to walk through the market again.

Bucky smiled and shook his head before catching up to Steve, latching on to his arm.

“You’re a pain, you know that?” Bucky teased, letting Steve lead him through the crowd.

Steve looked over at him, but the retort was lost in his throat. Bucky’s nose was adorably red from the cold, and between this and the blue of the beanie, his eyes looked unreal.

“And you’re too pretty for your own good,” Steve breathed a reply, faintly aware of the traffic jam they were causing by stopping in the walkway.

Bucky’s eyebrows flicked up for a second before leaning into capture a kiss from Steve’s chapped lips. He felt warmth flooding into him with the way Steve responded enthusiastically, flicking his tongue into Bucky’s mouth. Steve backed them into a conveniently placed alley, out of the crowd’s way.

Steve crowded Bucky against the wall and continued their kiss, this time gentler. He felt a gloved hand caress his face, and he subconsciously leaned into the contact.

They both pulled away, feeling giddy with love and all those damn fluffy feelings. There was now a faint red color on Steve’s cheekbones, bringing paint back to the Brooklyn winter landscape. Bucky could stare at him forever.

“Let’s go home,” Steve pressed a final kiss to Bucky’s forehead, and pulled him back into the market.

“Only if you make me hot chocolate,” Bucky responded and Steve groaned, but Bucky won, because 30 minutes later, they were in their pajamas in front of the TV with hot chocolate and Netflix.

  
V.

 

The fifth time, and where we leave this story, is under the ivy-twisted altar surrounded by loved ones and chirping birds in the trees, a gentle breeze in the spring air.

Bucky is in a light grey suit, with a sea blue pocket square. Steve is the opposite, looking handsome in a sea blue suit with a complementary grey pocket square. Their friends and wedding planners are nothing if not organized.

Organized, and a little grandiose, if you ask Steve and Bucky. Nat insisted Bucky trim his hair to his jaw again and shave his face clean. They argued over letting her braid a strand back. Bucky silently let her win, because the white flower she placed in the strand did add depth to his face. She knows her aesthetics, he’ll give her that. Though, he would never tell her.

Meanwhile, Sam and Peggy practically forced a razor to Steve’s auburn beard so he would look less “lumberjack murderery”. He had decided to grow his hair out a little, his gradually darkening strands almost long enough to curl under his ear. His friends decided the contrast made him look softer and insisted Bucky would love it. Turns out that he ends up loving it, too, almost deciding to not grow the beard out again.

Almost.

Steve’s breath catches in his throat when he sees Bucky, and he sends a silent thank you that he doesn’t utterly choke then and there. The flower in his hair makes him look angelic, and Steve wonders how he ever deserved a man such as this.

Once Bucky catches sight of Steve’s clean face, he urges to touch it, already remembering how smooth Steve’s skin is when clean shaven. He’s dying to run his hands through the longer hair, wanting to mess it up and take a picture afterwards.

The minister drawls through his opening statements, but time is lost to Steve and Bucky. They are in their own bubble. Their faces are matching expressions of unabashed appreciation for the other, eyes raking over each other’s figures and faces.

Bucky winks at Steve, and Steve feels a blush climb his cheeks.

All of a sudden, the minister prompts Steve for his vows, and Bucky smiles in anticipation, eyes glittering with happiness.

Steve’s hands are shaking as he reaches in his pocket to pull out his notecard with his vows scrawled on it. Bucky wants to reach out and hold them, but he’s been told that touching his improper until the magic words are said.

But, fuck proper.

Bucky leans forward to hold Steve’s hands and looks at him deep in the eyes, trying to quell the nervous energy coming off Steve in waves.

“Just you and me, pal,” Bucky whispers so only Steve can hear.

A shaky smile from Steve, and he’s clearing his throat, willing his voice to be strong.

By some miracle, it is. He regretfully releases Bucky’s hands to read from the card.

Steve looks at Bucky and is met with nothing but patience and love, and it motivates Steve to read what his heart has poured out.

“Buck, from the moment I met you, something in me knew that you were it for me. I know it sounds cliche, but it’s true. I came into the Apple store frantic because my phone wouldn’t turn on and I had a meeting. You calmly explained it happens and turned it on with some buttons. Honestly, I could have just googled it,” Steve laughs and Bucky has a watery smile, “But I’m glad I didn’t. You turned my life upside down and you still teach me everyday to just live and let go of my fears. I have something new to learn from you everyday, between your gentle reassurances and your fearless way of taking on the world. And I want you to hear this, Bucky Barnes,” Bucky’s eyes turn serious, and Steve would laugh if he also weren’t so emotional.

Steve continues, “I adore you. I love you so much I can feel it in my bones and the very core of me. I would worship the ground you walk on, and I feel so lucky that you are letting me be by your side in your life. That you’re letting me watch you and support you as you take on the world by its balls, one fixed iPhone at a time,” This gets a quiet laugh from their family and friends, and Bucky sniffles a laugh as well, reaching up to wipe a tear from his cheek.

Steve barrels through the last of his vows, willing himself not to cry, “I know in my heart of hearts that you are my soulmate. I never want to live a day without you. And I don’t mean to. I love you with every fiber of my being and I am so excited to start a life with you,” Steve finishes and his voice betrays him, cracking on the last few words.

Bucky’s eyes hold so much love that Steve thinks he could burst. Bucky mouths ‘I love you’ and wipes his tears, trying to get himself together.

“God this is why I should have gone first,” Bucky chuckles, wiping his face one last time. The crowd laughs quietly.

Bucky takes a breath in and releases it, pulling his own note card from his pocket. He locks eyes with Steve, who is nothing but a strong and steady presence, even with his own tear-stained cheeks.

“Stevie, you are absolutely everything to me. Not a moment has gone by in the last two years that has made me doubt my love for you. Even in our bad days, especially in our good days, And our okay days. I have loved you more and more through each one. I didn’t even know a person could love someone so much, until you came along. You were so damn cute with your lack of technology knowledge,” Steve blushes as Bucky teases him, a smile spreading over their features.

“When you asked for my number, my heart almost leapt out of my chest. And even then, I had no idea just how much you would mean to me. You are such an intelligent, kind, gentle man. With the body of a brickhouse,” Bucky says with a wink, and Steve closes his eyes in embarrassment as the people around them chuckle. Sam throws in a whistle from his place on Steve’s other side.

Bucky waggles his eyebrows at Sam and continues, “Point being, you have shown me how to love and you have shown me how to be loved in return. And I will forever be grateful for you and I swear to never take you for granted, Stevie,” Bucky grits out, voice dangerously close to wavering as Steve’s eyes water again.

“I love you and I love watching you do what you love, everyday. When you asked me to marry you, it never even seemed a question. I had zero hesitation, Steve, and I still do. It was never a question, with you. You’re it for me, and I love you. ‘Til the end of the line,” Bucky finishes, and he internally pats himself on the back for not crying.

The words “You may kiss each other” are just background noise when Steve and Bucky finally, _finally_ step together in a bone crushing kiss. Bucky puts his arms around Steve’s neck and Steve pulls him tight against his body, arms encircling his waist. There’s a little more tongue than deemed appropriate, eliciting some wolf whistles among the cheering small crowd.

Steve forces himself to pull back and drinks Bucky in, all shining eyes and dark hair.

“God, I fucking love you,” Steve presses their foreheads together and breathes in deep.

“I fucking love you, too. Let’s eat some cake,” Bucky presses a kiss to the corner of Steve’s mouth and leads him through the crowd with a wink and intertwining their fingers.

And that’s how they stay: warm and inseparable. ‘Til the end of the line.

 

-fin-  
authors note: I can't figure out how to post images in notes but if you need visual aids heres how I imagine bucky in the story

and heres how I see steeb in the whole story minus the wedding

and steeb's wedding #look

I would love to have a pic of bucky's wedding #look but I can't find a picture of seb stan with a braid or flower... its a cruel unforgiving world my friends

**Author's Note:**

> pls cry with me over these soft boys on tumblr at cbiwankenobi
> 
> ps steve's anxiety is based loosely off mine personally and i understand that absolutely not everyone shares the same experiences! i wanted to show what i think steve's character would get worked up about and how bucky would handle it
> 
> thanks for coming to my ted talk


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